Things make me laugh silently inside, with the potential to burst into giggles.
Today.
Wait for it.
Wait.
Today is my 16th wedding anniversary and my husband forgot! (This is really ok…keep reading)
Several years ago I had forgotten the date(yes I am woman hear me roar). Between my long shift work and everything, I just forgot. I think it was because I forgot what day of the week it was. Hey it happens. He reminded me! I was certain at the time he was wrong, so I searched out those toasting glasses from that long ago date…oh crap…He was right!
So after much needling and laughing and telling everyone he knew I forgot we probably went out to dinner(I can’t remember exactly *laughter*)
This time though.
I remembered!
Part of him not remembering is he went with our son to boyscout camp for a week and won’t be home for another day.
This leads me to think over the past years and just wonder. Nothing is perfect folks. No matter what the movies show, the tales you hear, inspirational FB posts you read, what you watched your parents do well or not well.
Marriage is work-for bothsides, even if you think one of you is better than the other or worse.
It is a struggle-to make money meet, kids taken care of, house cleaned, your self happy.
It may take-soul searching, counseling sessions, mistakes, wins, tears, hugs, friends and sometimes…A hard whack upside someone’s head with a cast iron pan(nope haven’t done that yet).
It really comes down to self.
Can you sooth yourself, so you don’t panic and run screaming down the neighborhood streets naked?
Can you be happy at this moment with the little pieces?
Can you enjoy the big wins?
Can you make yourself happy with things you enjoy that they dont?
Are you tieing yourself so completely to your partner that one can’t move without the other?
Because you will NEVER be able to make your partner do something. They will either see, understand, listen, change a bit or they won’t. If they do it will be under their own power, not a damn thing you made them do.
Here’s a thought…we made the choice to get married. No one made us. One of us didn’t drag the other up the aisle.
So. Such is life. I think we forget sometimes.
To my husband. You forgetfull man a toast…hmm…maybe I should check the glasses just in case before he gets home…
Tag Archives: love
Painting with words
I love to paint pictures with words. Sometimes it succeeds…sometimes you can’t quite get what the picture means.
This is more like a wild and free dance. I can feel this way or at times the body is itchy and unsettled. Wanting to scratch till the answer comes.
She sits
In the room with the white walls
Cold to the senses
In front of her crossed legs sits paint pots
All colors of the rainbow
Fingers dip into each
Coating the tips of her fingers in a different color each
Leaving a glint of gold on one
Royal purple another
Faster
Blue of the summer sky
Green as the spring grass
Brown, reminding her of chocolate melting in her mouth
Faster faster
Yellows of the butter cups
Red of a velvet swatch
Her fingers are eager
To play
Her eyes sparkle
Heart beat… faster faster faster
Untangle of limbs
Stands
Drags the fingers, damp with colors across the white cold walls
Bringing light
Colors
Bursting
Exploding
Feeling the wetness
She boomerangs throughout the room
Feeling it grow larger with the colors
Expanding
Becoming bigger than self or a simple room
Faster faster faster faster
She dances
Awkwardly
Playfully
With the beautiful motions of her soul
Explosions of color and heartbeat
Until
Collapsing
Exhausted
In a happy pile
In the center of her creation
To
Sleep
Happy smile upon her face
Peace
Just loved the image…
From the internet…
Self soothing
Funny how you think that all is well and then something upsets your applecart. (Love the image in my head) lol
I think I am better at soothing others then myself. It makes me angry that I suck at self soothing.
So.
Maybe this is me writing to myself.
You are ok.
You are not forgotten.
You are important.
You can be a good person.
A good friend.
A good lover.
Wife.
Mother.
Self.
This is just a step.
A step in healing. Because no one can heal you. You. YOU have to do it yourself.
You need to keep busy.
Stay away from social media.
Walk more.
Take more pictures.
Take way more walks.
And.
For goodness sakes love yourself, because…no one can love you if you can’t love yourself.
Hey self.
Nice pep talk.
Be back for more later!
Soul water
“Write me a poem” he asked
“Poetry is a skill, an art that I am working on. May I paint you a picture with words instead?” She answered
Skin parched
Waiting for drops of rain
To quench her thirst
Slipping
Sliding
Covering her mind
Dripping inside
Tender thoughts of love and friendship
Ripping away the stormy skies
Tearing them apart
Like fabric sounds
Sky peeking thru
Cerulean vistas
Warming of the sun
On the wet dampened skin
Her fingers drag thru the drops
Laying on her forearms
Head tilts back
Laughing and smiling with joy
Green grass parts under foot
As she races
In her mind and thoughts
Happiness for him
For his drops of soul rain
On her parched
Skin
“Will this do?” She asks
Wanting no reply, except…peace in his beautiful heart.
True love?
Ah…what is it about prompts and questions today? Inspiration to think i believe.
Does true love exist?
This is my two bits and really that may be all its worth.
What do you think?
I think true love exists.
It accepting someone for what they are and are not.
A passive person
Possessive person
Intelligent person
Sometimes not so smart
Physically great
Or not
Not understanding a thought process but wanting too because, they fucking matter to you.
It is the simple moments of the smell of skin.
The oh god I missed you.
When someone can make you smile till your face hurts.
When you can’t wait to see them or get hm at the end of the day…knowing the house will be in shambles when you get there.
When you know someone held their small child on their lap till they fell asleep, because they couldn’t bring themselves to put them down.
When you know they saved a small child who wandered off and was standing by the freeway, lost.
When your not sure if someone will be be able to pull out of depression but you keep talking, hoping they can see that you care.
So really. It’s all the pieces. Big and small. Bad and good. Knowing when to hold on to the bits or let them go.
I guess.
Peace.
Do you ever wonder why “love”?
This is not a sad post, it’s more of a curious why ramble if anything.
Since I was a little kid. I knew I wanted love.
Watched the movies…Top gun…never ending story…lol, probably not the best movies. Read voraciously the small harlequin novels where everything works out. However bizarre the sources these planted the seed of “love”.
My parents marriage was the example of what I wanted to NOT happen. I don’t remember them holding hands or even brief touches.
Now. At the ripe age of 40 I realize it’s not as easy as those novels read or movies watched.
Love is a lot of work. At the start and end…before kids and after. Friends or lovers. Young start ups, midlife crisis and old age.
As perfect as I would like it to be, it requires many aspects that may not be thought of with enough depth.
Such as:
Self reflection
Satisfaction of many sorts
Humor
Independence
Self worth
Ability to forgive
To realize resentment
Analyzing
Communication
Understanding
A voice
Give and take
*sigh*
And probably many many more things that I have yet to discover.
I want the sit in the rocking chair, old age, I am so glad to be with you, hold my wrinkled hand, slip away into the long sleep…love.
Thanks for reading
Live for another time
Live
Knowing there is love
Somewhere out there in the world
A feeling of warmth
Like a warm hand cupping your cheek
Mistakes yes
You are human are you not?
Wanting the touches
Inside your brain
Tender glimpses of thought
Making you feel
Content within your skin
Knowing you are amazing
That you amaze many
Waiting for that ever rush
Skin flushed
Aching to arch into the caress
Just a ramble with flashes of thoughts.
Peace.
Babies and…My 50th post!
I started this post the other day. It has a mix of then and now. It also is my 50th post!
Babies are on my mind today.
Again. Reading blogs of littles that made it…and ones that didn’t.
Maybe I am having a…I need to hug a little one moment.
Mine and others.
They grow so fast.
Images flash thru your head. Of the life they have mastered. Or not. The moments in your head.
Like pictures in time.
*click*
Picture of yourself, large and pregnant.
*click*
Holy crap my kid is beautiful.
*click*
The wrap of tiny fingers around one of yours. (I can see it in my head right now, even though it has been years).
Before you know it they are big people!
When they stop coming to you for all the little comforts.
They are able to look you directly in the eyes (when did that happen!)
When they were small littles. Cuddled in your lap, nestled against your body, pictures of chubby little faces.
Diaper changes (don’t miss that!)
Raspberries blown when shopping for groceries.
One thing that brought this post topic to mind was hugging babies.
Do YOU ever realize how much babies when little need to be held? Just skin time. Positive vibes. Feeling love directed at their tiny bodies. Cupping your so large hand around their head, fingers gently petting the little fuzz of hair.
I enjoy giving.
Being able to hold or hug ones that don’t have people for them would be awesome in my mind.
While they are wee littles.
Blank slate.
Receiving love.
This one is a mish mash of a post. So apologies if it was confusing.
If it does anything.
Remember.
One moment in time.
*click*
That made you smile.
*click*
That you wanted to hug a loved one, big or small.
*click*
Pictures from your heart.
Thank you for reading my 50th post.
Peace
Grief
Pondering a bit.
Has been me in the past, but not right now. Chip in if anything strikes a cord.
Grief
As in loss of a person’s life. Or the life of a person. The path planned out, abandoned, given up on. You feeling that you are at end of your rope.
I try very hard to pick myself up and look forward or down. The littlest things thrill me.
Simple perhaps.
Flowers.
Moss.
Brief touch of skin.
Saying I love you.
Missing someone who is gone.
Make me believe in something bigger or better…out there…In the big wide world.
But.
How to comfort others?
Do my ramblings and observations offend?
What do you need?
What helps?
Trying to turn your head in a slightly different way. It really the only thing I know.
I am not a doctor or a person of any medical bent.
I offer small touches of words.
And.
Hope.
It is enough.
Museum pictures and questions
I love museums.
Seeing the old items, knowing that someone cared about the items displayed.
Curious thought.
What will future museums hold?
With digital items becoming more common.
Will someone have a room with blogs of the past posted?
Digital pictures processed and displayed?
The devices that we wrote curiosities on.
Huh.
Makes you wonder a bit.
Here’s my finds in picture form. Perhaps to be seen in 50 years.
Antique bottles for various ailments.
Rag rug. Colors vibrant after so many years.
Curve of a fiddle.
Peace.
This, That and Me 